I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
