I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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