Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
this is an emotional support booty call
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
