"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize