no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
