Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
