I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
