Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
