im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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