My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I just googled if crying burns calories
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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