I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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