whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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