P.S. I can't hear my feet
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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