I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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