During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize