They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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