Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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