Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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