just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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