my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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