I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
