Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
