I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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