O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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