Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
