Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
