Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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