tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
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