I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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