I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
