I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
