my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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