found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
