You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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