he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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