Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hippo gnu deer
I just googled if crying burns calories
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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