I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
