are you still at the devil's house?
I wish I could teleport
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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