Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just had sex bonerless
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
