Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
