i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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