i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
