From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
