I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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