Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
