I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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