I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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