Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
