its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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