I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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