hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He did a backflip because drugs
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
