i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
