Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize