Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
