i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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