Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
