Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Even my vagina gasped.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize