Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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