Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
