So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
