What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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