**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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