Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
