yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
