So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
