No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
