He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I can't turn off my feet"
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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