I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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