you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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