TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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