I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
