Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
