I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
