oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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