After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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