Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
