my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
