I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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