I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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