you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
