Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Green mimosas i think yes
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
