he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
