I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
