I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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