I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
