My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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