she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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