Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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