Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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