You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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