if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Randomize
