Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm getting married
To pizza
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
