why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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