Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
soo... how was my night?
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