Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
