all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
