Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
